Real Talk is Really Hard

The other day I was called upon to talk about myself in a public setting.
And I choked.
My hands got clammy.
My heart started racing.
My face beamed bright red.

I barely made it through my little 3 minute talk.
And because all eyes were on me...I stumbled through it fearfully.

Why is it we have a hard time telling our stories?

 
Our stories are proof of God's hand on our lives and when we retrace His fingerprints by telling them to someone else, we find a little bit more freedom.

But, if we are afraid to speak up....what then?

I want to tell my stories, believe me.
And I've prayed about it, time and time again.
But I still struggle with opening up.
With being....VULNERABLE.
Yep. I really don't like that word. :)

Some people say that I really need to grasp the concept of "mind over matter."
To think myself through it.
To ignore my feelings and just state the facts.
You're on a need to know basis anyways right?
I mean, do you really need to know?
Maybe, maybe not.

But after my recent embarrassing moment, it occurred to me that I might need to embrace a new concept.
Maybe I need to focus a little less on my logical and perfectly appealing mind and a little more on my emotional and insanely flawed heart.

Because I'm not smart enough to pull one over on me.
Some truths are just plain messy.
I can't change my stories.
They happened.
And there are things I'm just not proud of.
BUT GOD...

In order to fully walk in freedom I have to share my stories with others.
And the more I think about it, the less I want to do it.
But the more I let myself feel it, the less I want to keep it to myself.
Because it's not about me anyways.

I can overthink it to death and then tremble as I relay it to you through clenched teeth.
Or I can let my heart's desire to live a free life be my guide into vulnerability.
And boldly share my stories.
Flaws and all.
The ugly truth.
This closet perfectionist hates being noticeably imperfect by the way. :)

But let me be clear:  
I'm able to embrace my mess by the sheer grace of God.
Only then can I bring Him glory by telling my story.

So I'll take a crack at this heart-being-my-guide thing by saying this:

Amazing Grace,
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost.
But now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see.



 

Mark 5:19(msg)-

"Jesus said, 'Go home to your own people.

Tell them your story—what the Master did, how He had mercy on you.' ”

Say what?

The world we live in today is a dangerous place.
There's no way of getting around that fact.
It's scary out there.

And I'm not talking about violence, natural disasters, and viral epidemics (although there is that to consider).
I'm talking about those little issues that pop up in your week that make you go hmmm...?

You ask yourself, "Should I address this person or just assume the worst about her?"
Or, "I'm sure she knows that I made a mistake and didn't mean to say or do that."
Better yet (and I've done this), "I don't need to know the whole story because I've made up my mind about her already from the few details that I've been given."

Careless thinking + Reckless assuming = Dangerous behavior

We're all guilty of this behavior.
I've even noticed this in my daughter.
Honestly, I think it's a girl problem. :)
I don't see a lot of guys out there mulling over who may or may not like them based on what they think might or might not have been said to a friend of a friend. :)
Oh, we women can be cruel.

I was taught a phrase in college from an old boyfriend. Yep. And you can take this one to the bank.
It goes like this:
"Do you know what happens when you assume?
No, what?
You make an ass out of you and me." (Get it? Ass-U-Me.)

Yep, I said ass.
But, all cursing aside, isn't that silly phrase true?

When we don't confront people and ,therefore, make decisions based on our own assumptions, we are being just plain ridiculous.
We try to avoid "drama" by not addressing an issue, but all that does is cause us to have thoughts that ultimately lead to an opinion about someone that just may not be true.

It's really that simple.
It all boils down to this verse:

"What a man thinks in his heart, so is he." - Proverbs 23:7

What kind of thoughts do you entertain and where do they originate from?
The noisy next door neighbor, the one time bad experience with a co-worker, the church family that shunned you?
Is your perspective limited because you assume you know the people around you instead of taking the time to really get to know them?
Or even if you don't want to take the time to get to know them, do you choose to think the best of them until shown otherwise?

And how about our own issues?
When we let them rule our thoughts then we are even more prone to ignore instead of confront, to assume intead of ask, to keep quiet instead of speak up.
Our experiences can make us more vulnerable and open to others or they can keep us stuck and guarded.


I struggle with all of the above so don't think for one minute I'm holier than you.
I'm writing from experience here.
When we let our own pain and insecurities dictate our opinions of others then we live a limited life.
A life full of restrictions and iron fences blocking us in and keeping others out.
And who knows what might happen if we choose the hard conversation instead of judging the situation from the sidelines?
We just might make a friend....or we just might have an opportunity to minister God's love.

God wants us to live a boundless, limitless, free life!

And as scary as confrontation is...or just meeting people where they are instead of judging them at first glance....as scary as that is, a safe and boring life is a lot scarier!

Don't you agree? :)

Life is too short for Fear and Fluff!

More F Words! :)

I'm a Good Girl and I'm proud of it.

“You’re the Lord of all creation

And still you know my heart

The Author of Salvation

You’ve loved us from the start.”

These song lyrics are so beautiful to me. They compare the bigness of God to the fact that He still sees the smallness of me. They somehow help me grasp the infinite timelessness of Him while at the same time show me that He stakes a personal claim in my life.

Big yet Small

General yet Personal

World-Maker yet Me-Creator

It just makes my mouth drop open in awe that He is all those things at once.

Because He is.

And that’s seriously mind-boggling.

So, I’m here to ask you a simple question today:

Do you believe that the huge God of the Universe could care about little ol’ you?

Do you really believe that He loved you before you were even a speck on the map?

Because even though you weren't here all those billions of years ago when God created the earth,

God already knew you.

By. Name.

Yes, He knew the name your parents would give you.

But that’s not what I mean.

He knew (and still knows) you.

WHO YOU ARE.

Cause you’re more than just your given name.

Genesis 1 (msg) says it like this:

"God created human beings;

 He created them godlike,

   Reflecting God’s nature.

       He created them male and female.

God looked over everything He had made;

       it was so good, so very good!- v.27 and 31

God sees you.

God know you.

And He calls you “good.”

I looked up the definition of good in the Merriam Webster dictionary and this is what it says:

“Of high quality.”

It seriously says that.

So that means that before I was born and ever even had a chance to do anything of value or worth...God called me valuable and worthy.

He looked at me all pruny and tiny and said, “ Harmony, you are good.”

Here’s the catch!

Here’s what we almost always miss when we look at the vastness of creation in comparison to our smallness-

He calls us good because He created us.

He makes us good.

He makes us of high quality.

That’s it.

What did I do as a drooling infant to earn this name?

Nothing.

Nada.

He did it all.

By simply creating me good and fashioning me for His good life already prepared for me.

(Ephesians 2:10)

What a thought!

My finite life started before I was even a tiny seed in my mother’s womb.

Because God’s infinite love planned for me to be here.

His love literally gave me life.

2 Girls With a Dream in a Car

Joannie and Harmony are being real about what makes their friendship work!

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Last Sunday, my pastor preached a sermon on overcoming.....Discouragement, Defeat, Fear.

It was good. REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Check it out here:

http://www.harvestokc.com

One thing he said that really stuck with me was this phrase:

"I may be stressed, but I'm not stressed out!"

He challenged us to declare that phrase when we're going through hard times.

And I have been.

Literally every single day this week.

Because sometimes I feel like I'm on the losing end when it comes to this parenting-my-kids-right thing.

Some days I'm just on autopilot and the same phrase literally comes out of my mouth 10 times.

It starts out simple enough:

“Put your shoes in the closet.”

“Please remember to flush the toilet.”

“Don't ask me that again.”

Then it escalates a bit:

“Why am I tripping on your shoes??”

“Who forgot to flush the toilet again??”

“If you ask me one more time....”

Now, it's all hell breaking loose:

“WHOSE SHOES ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR?!!”

“GROSS! I DON"T NEED TO SEE THAT IN THE TOILET!!”

“I TOLD YOU DON'T ASK ME AGAIN OR I'LL... !!”

You know what I mean, right?

(Please tell me I’m not the only one!)

I liken those days to a pile of dirty laundry getting ready to go in the washer.

Wash.

Rinse.

Repeat.

That dirty pile of clothes needs to be washed.

If I leave it sitting there in it’s dirt, oil, and muck, it’s just going to stink.

I can try to ignore it.

But I’ll have to get to it….eventually.

I have to wash the clothes.

So I throw them in the washing machine.

Soap and water flow through the clothes until all the dirt is loosened from the fibers.

And the time to rinse them through begins.

Until all the brown water drains.

Until all the dirt is gone.

Then alas, I have to accept the fact that I will be doing this all over again in just a few days.

Because laundry is never done.

It’s an ongoing process. (Exhausting as it may be.)

Until we die.

Isn’t that just like parenting?

It’s never done.

It’s my job as a mom to never let the cycle get interrupted.

It’s my job as a mom to fix the washing machine when it breaks.

It’s my job as a mom to separate the whites from the darks.

And when I do, as exhausting and draining and trying as it is, the clothes come out clean.

Every. Single. Time.

Oh it’s not my own awesomeness that cleans my kids up.

No.

But my awesome God that is living inside of me is the One that gives me the grace to keep that cycle going.

Because God knows I can’t do it in my own strength.

I don’t want to even try to parent without His grace to empower me.

I would jack up my kids. :)

This week has been tiring because that endless, repetitive cycle has made me feel like my kids aren’t learning anything.

That they’re stuck in their muck of dirty, sticky behaviour.

But again, God reminds me that without my willingness to “repeat the cycle”, they would be stuck:

Not knowing how to make godly decisions.

Not knowing how to listen to His voice.

Not knowing what path to take in life.

And if God has to constantly remind me to remind my kids to pick up their shoes then it means I’m listening to the right source.

So, they will follow by example.

And EVENTUALLY I will begin to see the cycle play out in their own lives without my having to remind them.

Because isn’t that the goal?

To raise amazing God- focused kids chasing after God-sized dreams with a God-centered heart and God-fueled passion?

So I’ve decided to keep doing the laundry.

Because who doesn’t love the smell, look, and feel of clean clothes just out of the dryer?

Playthings and Childhood Memories

I had a soft and squishy toy full of red, curly hair called a Hugabunch when I was 5 or 6 years old. I took her with me everywhere. I even lost her clothes at some point and just carried her around naked. I got her very dirty! I’m pretty sure she was given to me because she was similar to the little orphan Annie. I couldn’t tell you what I named that doll but I can tell you that she made me feel very loved.

This childhood toy was a seed sown into my future. I was head over heels in love with the movie, "Annie", as a kid.  I even dressed up like her with eyeliner freckles and a curly red wig and sang Tomorrow on occasion. Yes, she had a huge impact on my life.

This plaything resembling an optimistic little orphan girl with an indomitable spirit symbolized a dream in my heart yet to be recognized.

A dream that would get worn out and soiled over the years.

A dream that would get stripped from me by my own choice to drag it in the dirt.

A dream that would not be named until I really believed that God loved me.

Like Annie,

I wanted to believe the best even when the odds were stacked against me

I longed to help others that couldn’t help themselves

I fought for my right to be heard, to be me, to be loved

But I didn't realize that I had the power to go after my dreams until much later in life.

I didn't know that I had everything in me to make them happen.

In the film, when Annie was adopted by the wealthy Daddy Warbucks, her life changed forever. She was loved and known. Her past as an orphan was forgotten. She had a new name.

Accepted.

I eventually lost my sacred Hugabunch doll.

And I honestly don’t even remember being sad about it.

It was time to let her go.

So I did... with determination and a brave spirit that only came after being down in the mud for a while.

I had to choose whether I was going to live in the past or make the most of the future.

Don't we all?

Through some trial and error, I finally let go of what I thought I had to be....of what I used to be.

I finally surrendered to the One who saw me....to the One who made me "me."

Oh, I was worn out and over-used.

Just like my sweet baby doll.

But, that's when Daddy God found me.

He picked me up, dusted me off and gave me a new name.

Enough.

Jesus was enough so I am enough.

He is all I'll ever need.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave Himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

Now I know my worth and value is not in who I was (or even who I will ever be) but in Who adopted me as His own.

Thank God for His amazing grace!

I can sing this song from the depths of my heart and actually mean it!

Why don't you join me?

The sun'll come out tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

there'll be sun

Just thinkin' about tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till' there's none

When I'm stuck in the day that's gray and lonely

I just stick up my chin and grin and say oh

The sun'll come out tomorrow

So you got to hang on

till' tomorrow, come what may!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow

You're only a day away!