F-words and the sweet life

I always do this to myself.
I sit and I wait.

"They should come to me.

I'm the new girl in town, after all.

I shouldn't have to do the scary work of introductions."

So I sit and I wait.


MY OWN inactivity breeds contempt inside of me.
MY OWN passivity plants seeds of bitterness in my soul.


How I long to be bold enough to walk over and say hi.
How I wish to be a social butterfly in this moment (and every moment!)

Sometimes noone notices me sitting and waiting.
And I go home just as lonely as when I first arrived.
Just as friend-less. 

Other times someone notices me sitting and waiting.
And they do the scary work of introductions.
And I just might make a new friend.

But I go home just as insecure as when I first arrived.
Just as fear-ful.

Friendless.
Fearful.
Two words that I don't want to define me.
Those darn F-words. 

I used to think life was so unfair.
Because, honestly, I'm always the "new girl."
(Being a military wife makes that status a given.)


And one would think that I would've learned how to do this dance called conversation by now.
One would think I would know just how to two-step my way into making a great first impression.


But, alas, I sit and I wait.
Friendless.
Fearful.

I think I'm ready for a change though.
No, I don't think I'm ready.
I know it.

I want another F-word to define me.
Yes. 
When you hear my name, I want you to say, "That's Harmony and she's FREE." 

Free from labels.
Free from fake.
Free from people pleasing.
Free from condemnation.
FREE TO BE ME

God recently showed me in His ever-so-gentle way that He never said life would be fair.
Fair. Another F-word that we need to toss out. 
He actually said that we would have trouble in this world. (John 16:33)
That we would have moments when we would have to choose ...


Will we succumb to this impossible expectation of fairness and perfect first impressions and flawless conversations or will we choose to be free?


From now on, I'm going to choose freedom.
It's way more fun and way more exciting and way more attractive.
People want to be around those that are free.
They are drawn to it...like a bee to honey- they know freedom makes for a sweet life.